Refusing to Participate in Body Talk is a Courageous and Healing Act

Negative food and body talk have become a normalized, socially acceptable form of camaraderie among women in our culture, perhaps especially in the worlds of sport and fitness. You’d be hard-pressed to go even a day without overhearing, reading, or participating in conversations surrounding bodies, exercise regimens, and restrictive diets  – both of others and our own.

These criticisms, comparisons, and complaints rest upon the assumption that a woman’s physical form determines her identity, fitness, value, and health. They universalize the understanding that striving to emulate the media’s idea of perfection is both our duty as women and a worthy use of energy, money, and time. To be a woman, in other words, is to be a work in progress and perpetually insecure. In such a climate, refusing to participate in body talk is a courageous and healing act.

On average, American teens and adults report experiencing body shame for the first time somewhere between thirteen and fourteen years old. Teenagers from thirteen to seventeen report that their inauguration into corporeal self-doubt began at the tender age of nine. That is to say, body dissatisfaction is a learned behavior that is appearing increasingly earlier in life. Equally as alarming, over 90 percent of adult women are considerably “unhappy with their shape,” while 75 percent sustain some sort of disordered thoughts, feelings, or behaviors when it comes to food and body. 

While often justified in the name of fitness or health, our collective fixation on weight and body actually distances us from authentic physical, social, and emotional well-being. It erodes confidence and dignity, while constricting our perception of beauty, fitness, and worth to exclude more and more women – often starting with ourselves. It reinforces the reductionist notion that body size dictates health, manifesting in both covert and overt discrimination against those in larger bodies. When we clutter our minds with commentaries and critiques, we miss opportunities to extend kindness, build meaningful connections, and move our bodies in ways we truly love.

In the past few days, several seemingly benign comments sparked the inspiration for this post. Let’s explore two of these to unpack the underlying beliefs and imagine the message they might send a young girl who overhears. 

• Quote: “I’m a runner. I know I don’t look like it, but I just had a baby, so cut me some slack.”
• Underlying Beliefs: I can identify a runner by the shape of her body. I need to explain why my body looks the way it does. My postpartum body is inferior and undesirable.
• Through Young Ears: To be a woman means I apologize and lament when my body changes and grows. I can only be a runner if I look a certain way.

• Quote: “This tea is a diuretic, so it makes you pee twofold. It’s great for taking off that extra water weight, ladies!”
• Underlying Beliefs: Slender bodies are better bodies. Women need and desire ways to make themselves smaller. Weight loss is always a good thing.
• Through Young Ears: To be a woman means I am concerned with my appearance. I should value smaller bodies and seek weight loss by whatever means necessary.

At the Center for Active Women, we reject the idea that a small body is a prerequisite for love, respect, admiration, and athleticism. We wholeheartedly believe that nourishing behaviors and a strong sense of self take precedence over the number on the scale or the size of your jeans. We want our conversations to celebrate your kindness and generosity, your capacity to love and be loved. We want to recognize the unique gifts you bring to the world and hear about your passions, talents, and dreams. Above all, we want you to know that we see you for who are and that you are so loved.

Refusing to participate in body talk is courageous because when you actively appreciate, empower, and embrace all bodies (including your own), you are combating the incessant cultural messaging and media telling you to do otherwise. Refusing to participate in body talk is healing because you are protesting against passing the normalization of body shame and disordered eating to the succeeding generations. 

Let’s show our daughters that authentic wellness has no place for restrictive dieting, compulsive exercise, and body shame. Words matter. Choose and use them wisely.